Everyone is.aware of how destructive bullying is when people are bullied by others,  But self-bullying is equally destructive to self-esteem, and is counter productive.  Those who bully themselves are often those who feel that they should be perfect, and are down on themselves when they make a mistake and do not meet their expectations of how they should behave.

The truth is that none of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes at times.  The best way to look at a mistake is as a learning opportunity.  We can look at why we made the mistake and learn from it as to what we can do in the future to prevent making the same mistake again.

But when we get down on our self and feel that we are bad because of the mistake, we miss the opportunity to learn.  We get so tied up in telling our self that we are bad and worthless because of our mistake, that we are unable to look at why we made the mistake, so do not learn from it.

Ask yourself how you would respond to a friend who made the same mistake.  Would you treat them as though they were bad?  Would you tell them that they are worthless because they are not perfect? Probably not, because you would realize how detrimental it would be to their self-esteem.  You would want them to feel good about them self because you love them.

Self-bullying arises from a lack of self-love.  This may come from how you were treated in the past by parents or others, and from a decision that you had to be perfect in order to be lovable.  But treating yourself  as others treated you is not the answer because it can lead to self-hate, anxiety and depression, and may eventually lead to illness.

If you are someone who bullies yourself, start to look at your negative thoughts about yourself, and find some thoughts that will make you feel better.    Then whenever you find yourself thinking a negative thought, immediately switch to a more positive one.

Another way to defuse negative thoughts is to label them.  We tend to think that our thoughts are true, but in fact we think about 50.000 thoughts a day, and most of them are just random thoughts that have no meaning.  So if you have,  for example, a thought that you are worthless,  label it by saying ” I am thinking that I am worthless.”  This will allow you to see it as just a thought and not the truth,

Over time by constantly changing your negative thoughts about yourself you will start to feel better about yourself, stop bullying yourself, and will start to treat yourself as your own best friend.

A chronic illness or condition generally takes time to develop, and often ends up taking over a person’s life.   Knowing how to heal a chronic disease involves a holistic health approach.  That is rather than simply getting rid of symptoms, the approach is to become whole and to heal your life.

While using a holistic  practitioner can be beneficial, you can also develop your own alternative therapy by following the suggestions below. If you need help, find someone who will not just treat your symptoms, but will help you get the the root of the problem.

Any symptom can be seen as a message from the body that there is dis-ease in one or more areas of a person’s life.  Often the first signs are uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger or depression.  Generally the response to these emotional messages  is to ignore them, or at least not to recognize them as messages.   If they are ignored for too long, the body ups the ante by producing symptoms.

Sometimes the symptoms may be a metaphor for the area of dis-ease.   For example, those who have recently lost a loved one, or a loved object, may develop heart symptoms, those in psychological pain may develop chronic physical pain, or those who feel unable to speak out, or up for themselves. may develop a throat condition.

Try the following suggestions whether you have had your chronic disease for years, or whether it has only recently arisen; whether it arose as a result of injury, or whether it spontaneously appeared..  Back-pain or complex sympathetic dystrophy could be examples of chronic conditions arising from an injury, while fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome may have arisen spontaneously.

The first thing to look at was what was happening in your life in the year before the condition or injury began. Do this even if it began in childhood.  Look at events, people, emotions, and mood.  Write down what you find – preferably in a journal if you have one, because you will be tracking this over time and into the future.

Was there an event or ongoing situation, or a person that was distressing you?  Or was there an event, that may even have been positive, like a new job or a move to a different area that caused you to see yourself in a new way?  For example, for children, going to a new school can be very stressful, especially if they feel they have to change in order to fit in.  Were you feeling uncomfortable emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment, shame, or any other uncomfortable emotion?

If your chronic condition has times when it fluctuates in intensity or if it is episodic like migraines or some back pain, then also look at what was happening in your life each time it occurred.  For long-standing but frequent episodic conditions, you may not remember each occurrence, but note any that stand out, then continue to note them in your journal from now forward.

An example of investigating an episodic condition, was shown by a woman who had episodic migraines that were present when she woke in the morning  On investigating her dreams, and events the night before, she realized that the migraines occurred after she had given a party or taken people out to a restaurant.  She found these situations stressful because she felt responsible for the happiness of her guests.  If they did not have a good time, she felt it was her fault, so she did everything that she could to ensure that everyone was happy, and constantly worried that they may not be having a good time.  Once she realised that people were responsible for their own happiness, she started to relax and enjoy these events.  Her stress went away and her migraines disappeared.

Once you have identified the cause of your symptoms, realize that the situation or person, or the source of dis-ease, is not causing your symptoms.  The  meaning that you put on the situation causes your response, not the situation itself. .  The situation likely triggers a negative belief you have about yourself; perhaps as the result of a past event, and you are responding to that belief.

For example, when my in-laws made it clear that they did not accept me as a suitable wife for their son, I was triggered by my belief that I was not OK. because my parents had not accepted me either when I was a child.  If they had accepted me, I would have believed that I was OK, and my in-law’s non-acceptance would likely not have bothered me.  As it was, I had to work on self-acceptance before I could see my in-law’s rejection of me as being more about them and how acceptable they thought they were, rather than about me.

Once you have identified the cause of the dis-ease underlying your chronic disease, then do everything you can to heal it.  This may mean forgiving yourself or another, letting go of resentment or blame, or changing your view of yourself or another.  As you  heal your life you may also heal your chronic disease.

We never really know what other’s have gone through.  I believe that we all do the best we can in any situation, so  even when people appear to be unfair, they may not know any other way at that time, because they are also being triggered by something from their past.  Your job is not to blame others or yourself, but to learn to love yourself, and eventually love the other who has been triggering your pain.

Loving  yourself and responding differently to the things triggering you, is your path to healing.  The key word is responding.  When you react to a  trigger, your actions are automatic, ruled by emotion with no pause for reflection or cognitive thought.  The outcome is often that neither party gets the outcome they want, the relationship is undermined or completely disrupted, and both people end up feeling angry or put down.

Responding calls for reflection and suspension of immediate judgement.  You think about the circumstances and the outcome you want, and taking into account all the aspects of the situation, including your emotions and the importance of the relationship, you consciously decide how to respond.  The likelihood is that both sides will be more satisfied, there will be less disruption to the relationship, and the door will be open for further discussion.ct, i

Learning to respond instead of to react is also part of becoming whole, and so is an important part of holistic health.

Even with these new ways of being and responding, you may still have your chronic disease.  However, once you recognize your triggers and stop reacting and start responding, you have a better chance of reducing or managing your symptoms and preventing complications.  Healing can occur through disappearance of a condition, or by no longer suffering from a condition even though it is still present.

Of course it goes without saying, that anyone with a chronic disease should be under the care of a competent health professional – preferably a holistic practitioner.  But within that relationship, you can do a lot towards self-healing your chronic disease by looking at patterns of the symptoms as they relate to other situations in your life.  Keep your doctor informed of what you find.